第 1 章
The Book That Sparked a Revolution in American Marriages
In 1973, a frustrated housewife named Marabel Morgan published a book that would go on to sell more than 10 million copies and become one of the fastest-selling books in publishing history. "The Total Woman" struck a chord with American wives during a time of cultural upheaval, when traditional gender roles were being questioned by the feminist movement. Time magazine featured Morgan on its cover, and celebrities from Elizabeth Taylor to Barbara Walters discussed her controversial ideas. The book's impact was so significant that sociologists still study it as a cultural touchstone of the era-a counterrevolution to feminism that encouraged wives to revitalize their marriages through a combination of biblical principles, psychological insights, and strategic sexuality. Morgan's approach was simple yet revolutionary: by accepting, admiring, adapting to, and appreciating their husbands, women could transform troubled marriages into passionate partnerships. Whether you find her ideas empowering or problematic, there's no denying that "The Total Woman" changed how Americans thought about marriage in the latter half of the 20th century.
第 2 章
From Cinderella Dreams to Marital Reality
Like many young women of her generation, Marabel Morgan entered marriage with fairy-tale expectations. She anticipated ruffly curtains, strawberries for breakfast, and "lovin' all the time." During their engagement, her future husband Charlie studied law at her apartment and shared his dreams while she listened adoringly, believing she had found the perfect, talkative partner. When he proposed on her birthday at Miami Beach, she was so entranced she actually dozed off during his lengthy explanation of qualities he wanted in a wife, only waking when he presented a diamond ring and asked, "Will you be that girl?"
After their Florida honeymoon and move into a three-room apartment, reality began to set in. The once-talkative Charlie became increasingly distant and preoccupied. Their conversations dwindled to "Please pass the salt." Barriers developed between them that Marabel couldn't define or fight. When their daughter Laura was born, she poured herself into motherhood while romantic moments with Charlie became increasingly rare.
The breaking point came when Charlie called her "uptight all the time" and later said she "came unglued easily" after she overreacted to his cluttering her freshly polished table. When he announced they'd be going out with business associates despite her prior plans and accused her of challenging his every decision, Marabel realized they weren't moving forward in their marriage. Something drastic had to be done.
This crisis prompted Marabel to embark on a journey of self-improvement. She began buying marriage books, taking courses, and studying psychology and the Bible. As she applied certain principles to her marriage, the results were stunning. Charlie began talking like when they were dating, sharing his innermost feelings, and showing affection again. One night, he even woke her just to say he loved her-something he'd never done in six years of marriage.
The transformation extended beyond emotional connection. Charlie began bringing gifts-something the frugal man had never done before. Without her nagging, he surprised her with a new refrigerator-freezer she'd wanted for years and reversed his stubborn position on redecorating several rooms in their home.
This revitalized love gave them a brand-new life together, inspiring Marabel to develop her four-lesson Total Woman course to pass these principles on to other wives. She became convinced that almost any wife could have her husband adoring her in just weeks by reviving romance, reestablishing communication, and putting the sizzle back into marriage.
第 3 章
Managing Your Home, Managing Your Life
The typical American housewife begins each day with good intentions but quickly faces overwhelming demands. Once husband and children leave, she confronts multiple disaster areas all screaming "Clean me!" Dishes, unmade beds, ironing, grocery shopping, errands, and car pools compete for attention. Then the phone rings-a friend with husband troubles needing twenty minutes of counsel. By afternoon, she faces what Morgan calls the "4:30 syndrome"-dragging herself to the kitchen wondering what to make for dinner, often ending up frustrated and too exhausted to be available for her husband. This cycle leads to rejection and distance in the marriage relationship.
Morgan shares a management technique worth $25,000 to Charles Schwab that can transform a housewife's day: Write down everything you need to do tomorrow, number items by importance, then tackle them in order without moving to the next until each is completed. Keep your schedule in a notebook, prepare dinner after breakfast, and maintain flexibility with backup plans when interruptions occur. This organization system creates order, efficiency, and leaves energy to spare-something every husband appreciates.
Beyond practical organization, Morgan emphasizes that a woman's attitude determines her home's atmosphere. To become "the sunshine of your home," she recommends examining yourself honestly by writing out your philosophy of life and creating a personal game plan. Make a four-column list: strengths (talents and abilities), weaknesses (insecurities from childhood), short-term goals (immediate aims as an individual, wife, and mother), and long-term goals. This self-examination helps you understand yourself and build weaknesses into strengths, creating a winning approach to marriage and life.
The Total Woman approach isn't just about managing household tasks efficiently-it's about creating an environment where both husband and children can thrive. By organizing your day, managing your time, and maintaining a positive attitude, you set the stage for a harmonious home life. This foundation allows you to focus on the most important aspect of your marriage: your relationship with your husband.
第 4 章
The Four Pillars of a Total Woman
At the heart of Morgan's approach are four fundamental principles for relating to your husband: accept him, admire him, adapt to him, and appreciate him. These principles, when applied consistently, have the power to transform even the most troubled marriage into a passionate partnership.
Acceptance forms the foundation of a thriving marriage. Morgan observes that most women marry with intentions of changing their husbands, then spend years trying to "round off his edges." This approach never works! A man needs to be accepted exactly as he is, which convinces him you truly love him. When you stop nagging and truly accept him-his quirks, weaknesses, and all-he'll feel free to be himself and will naturally respond with love.
Nagging creates barriers in marriage by positioning you as his mother rather than his lover, destroying romance and pushing him to either tune you out or rebel against your control. By accepting him and trusting him to handle responsibilities without reminders, you'll be amazed at how he naturally steps up. A Total Woman caters to her man's special quirks in everything from food preferences to bedroom desires to leisure activities.
Support your husband rather than trying to mold him into your image. He doesn't need your advice; he needs your acceptance. When you stop trying to control his decisions and trust his leadership, tremendous pressure lifts from both of you. This acceptance frees him to become a "Total Man" and often leads him to naturally do what you've been wanting all along.
Admiration fulfills a man's deepest emotional need. Without it, his motivation disappears. One executive was emotionally starved because his wife refused to give first in their relationship, viewing marriage as "fifty-fifty." When she finally began admiring him through a Total Woman class, their relationship transformed. He noticed the change immediately, telling her, "Something beautiful is happening."
For one week, make your husband feel like your hero. Put down distractions when he speaks, concentrate on his words, and show genuine interest even in topics like football. Look at him with fresh eyes-he loves his body and wants you to admire it too. Start slowly with one sincere compliment daily and watch him blossom. Look for his most masculine characteristics to praise.
Sincere admiration isn't dishonest flattery-it's about finding genuine qualities to appreciate in your husband. Even if communication has broken down, think back to what attracted you initially. One estranged wife remembered her husband's financial leadership during the Depression, and her simple acknowledgment brought tears to his eyes after forty years of silence.
Adaptation means willingly adjusting to your husband's preferences and leadership. When Bobbie Evans, wife of Miami Dolphins tackle Norm Evans, came to Morgan feeling resentful about her husband's demanding football schedule, Morgan advised her to adapt to his lifestyle rather than fight it. Though initially resistant, Bobbie embraced this approach, making home so attractive that Norm wouldn't want to leave when he was there. Two years later, their marriage had transformed so completely that Norm told Bobbie he'd quit football if she asked-though she no longer wanted him to.
Morgan compares marriage to a monarchy where the husband is king and wife is queen-both royalty, but with different roles. The queen expresses her feelings regally and influences decisions, but the king makes final choices. Even when the queen knows she's right, she follows her king's decree without nagging. In many modern marriages, either the woman rules, there are two competing rulers, or only the strongest survives-none fostering romance. A husband wants neither a doormat nor a nag, but a woman with dignity and opinions who ultimately defers to him.
Appreciation completes the four pillars by acknowledging your husband's contributions and efforts. Morgan warns against four negative ways wives commonly respond to gifts: with suspicion ("Where have you been?"), entitlement ("It's about time!"), criticism of the gift's value, or feigned gratitude. She explains that true appreciation involves both internal gratitude and external expression, advising women to stop "grasping for rights" and instead view things as privileges to be genuinely thankful for.
When consistently applied, these four principles-accept, admire, adapt, and appreciate-create an environment where love can flourish. The husband feels respected and valued, while the wife experiences the joy of a responsive, loving partner. This foundation sets the stage for the physical aspect of marriage that Morgan considers essential for lasting happiness.
第 5 章
Rekindling Physical Passion in Marriage
Morgan approaches the topic of marital intimacy with refreshing frankness, encouraging wives to recapture the effort they once put into their appearance when dating. She reminds women how they once "floated out to meet him, knowing he would be pleased just seeing you and being seen with you." She urges wives to greet their husbands at the door looking fresh and appealing, suggesting that the first four minutes when he arrives home set the tone for the entire evening.
She contrasts the "curb appeal" of a wife's appearance with what many husbands experience-leaving for work with a wife in "grubby undies" and returning to someone "dumpy, stringy, or exhausted." She warns that men are surrounded by attractive secretaries all day and need their wives to be "feminine, soft, and touchable" when they return home. She emphasizes that a man's visual nature means appearance matters tremendously, and changing one's look can quickly reignite his interest.
Morgan recommends taking a bubble bath before husband's arrival, even with small children around. She advises being "squeaky clean," using dental floss, mouthwash, and perfume to be "touchable and kissable." She encourages wives to greet husbands at the door rather than making them "play hide-and-seek," suggesting this makes it difficult for him to stay cranky when his wife looks and smells "delicious."
Beyond appearance, Morgan addresses deeper sexual issues in marriage. She observes that despite sex being widely discussed in modern society, many women are "having more sex, but enjoying it less." She cites Ann Landers' observation that when marriages fail, "the rocks are usually in the mattress," meaning sexual problems often underlie marital difficulties. She identifies sexless marriages as one such problem, noting some couples avoid intimacy for months using various excuses, with disastrous results.
Morgan addresses women who find sex unfulfilling, describing how many develop a defensive "couldn't care less" attitude when they don't experience climax, which husbands misinterpret as lack of interest in them. She warns this creates a "dangerous state" where men wander "with an unfulfilled libido," and emphasizes that mutual satisfaction is essential for a successful marriage.
For truly exceptional intimacy, Morgan advises responding eagerly rather than merely enduring. Your enthusiasm will bring him indescribable joy. The Bible speaks of a husband being "intoxicated with the delight and ecstasy of his wife's sexual love." Touch him lovingly during lovemaking-caress him to show he's desirable. Your husband's confidence depends on knowing you want and enjoy him sexually.
Keep your mind focused during lovemaking-think about his body, not tomorrow's tasks. Live in the present moment. Communicate verbally-the silent movie era is over. Tell him what pleases you; he can't read your mind. If he's a "speed demon" who rushes through sex, your changed attitude will help slow him down. Never break the romantic mood with distractions like mentioning a dented fender or asking if he locked the door.
Morgan suggests creative ways to maintain sexual anticipation throughout the day: tucking love notes in lunch boxes, sending personal cards to his office, or even appearing with a picnic basket for a private lunch behind locked doors. She advises preparing for evening romance by setting a candlelit table, making yourself available, and taking a relaxing bubble bath.
For variety, Morgan recommends making love in different locations-try the dining room table, sofa, hammock, or garden. One wife packed a picnic for a late-night boat cruise seeking "that perfect wave of libido." A Houston doctor advised against making love only at night-try mornings or afternoons instead.
Sex can restore harmony after disagreements. The Bible advises "let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Love means unconditional acceptance without demands or competition. Your husband faces enough competition at work-he needs companionship at home. Don't withhold sex when he's irritable; lovemaking comforts and restores him. Lovemaking is an art you can develop to Rembrandt levels rather than remaining at paint-by-numbers.
第 6 章
Building Communication Bridges
When Charlie came home scowling one Friday before a dinner party, Morgan initially responded with resentment to his icy silence. But on the drive home, she realized he needed her love after his difficult day. A gentle word from her released his tension, allowing him to share his frustrations. By morning, he felt understood and announced, "I feel such love for my fellow man!" Good communication is essential for marriage, yet men and women often speak different languages-men express ideas and information while women discuss feelings and emotions.
Robert Louis Stevenson called marriage "one long conversation, chequered by disputes." Men and women communicate differently-men express love through actions (bringing home paychecks, buying houses) while women need verbal expressions of love. Understanding your spouse provides freedom in marriage, making it sizzle.
Love requires closeness-a husband and wife must communicate to understand each other. Being understood creates confidence and lightens burdens. As your husband's "communication plumber" and psychotherapist, you can unclog communication lines. First, be a good listener-give him your full attention rather than multitasking. Listen between the lines for unspoken needs. Second, don't give unsolicited advice which makes him feel condemned. Third, never criticize or put him down, especially in public. Fourth, understand his perspective rather than dismissing contrary opinions.
Every marriage has problems, but how you handle disagreements makes all the difference. Silent treatment only intensifies conflict, creating bitterness that poisons your body and mind. Instead of exploding or freezing your husband out, try these approaches: control your tears (sobbing unnerves men); plan the proper time and atmosphere for discussion (after dinner when he's relaxed); gently express your feelings without attacking him; forgive and forget completely; and "outroof" him-protect him from his own emotions by responding with understanding rather than anger. Your attitude sets the tone for your home and his entire day.
Communication extends beyond the marital relationship to include children as well. A healthy family structure requires proper balance between parents. When mothers become overprotective and fathers become absent, children suffer. Boys may develop feminine qualities from identifying too strongly with their mothers, while girls who feel rejected by distant fathers may grow to resent all men. The mother largely determines whether her children will be burdens or blessings to family and society.
第 7 章
Creating a Nurturing Family Environment
Children sense when they're unwanted or unaccepted. Sue and Larry's story illustrates how parents can unconsciously reject children-Larry favored his youngest daughter while resenting his middle daughter for not being a boy, and barely interacted with his oldest. Accepting your child is as vital as accepting yourself and your husband. Constant criticism and attempts to force children into parents' molds can drive them away, as demonstrated by the Atlanta teenager who ran away believing his family would be happier without him. Comparing one child with another is destructive-like Mr. Johnson forcing his violin-loving son to play football to fulfill his own failed dreams.
Love expressed both verbally and physically is the greatest gift a parent can give. Children never outgrow their need to be touched, held, and told they're loved. Physical affection-kisses, hugs, hand-holding, hair-ruffling-provides emotional security that might prevent them turning to destructive behaviors later. A young woman who became a misfit in life traced her problems to parents who never expressed love. Most importantly, children need unconditional love, especially after mistakes, as one teen discovered when his parents couldn't forgive his brief experimentation with marijuana.
Children need parents' undivided attention and playful engagement. When three-year-old Susanne tugged at her mother's skirt asking to play dolls, Carolyn realized being in the same room wasn't enough-her daughter needed real connection. Family traditions and celebrations create memories and unity, whether it's carving pumpkins, making valentines, or turning ordinary meals into special occasions. The Buckley family, who produced prominent political and publishing figures, played games together and limited media, encouraging reading instead. Even during the Cuban missile crisis, President Kennedy made time to read to his daughter Caroline, demonstrating that no crisis justifies neglecting your children.
Encouragement builds confidence while criticism destroys it. A mother who praised her son's terrible singing helped him become the leading ninth-grade soloist. Children form self-images based on parents' words and attitudes-telling a child "you're stupid" makes them believe it. Instead of criticizing failures, praise successes and efforts. Dr. Narramore's story about the teacher who complimented each student daily shows how even difficult children respond to praise. Abraham Lincoln credited his success to his "angel mother," and the Texas judge's wife gained confidence because her mother told her, "Never worry about keeping up with the Joneses-you are the Joneses!"
Communication requires understanding, not just agreement. To truly listen to your child: be available when they need to talk; be enjoyable to talk with; be flexible and hear their perspective; and be understanding of their feelings. Morgan's family shares "serendipity time" at dinner-each person sharing their day's pleasant, unexpected experience. This positive focus prevents drug use by creating natural family joy. When children share feelings like Laura's "I hate Susie," reflective counseling (repeating their thoughts in slightly different words) helps them process emotions.
Children need discipline-not just training but setting limits in love and correcting when those limits are broken. Parents must be willing to set clear standards, as shown by the fourteen-year-old who secretly wanted his parents to forbid drug use but received only weak guidance. Children feel secure knowing boundaries, and firm limits protect them from harm. When correcting children, parents should distinguish between rejecting the behavior versus rejecting the child, spanking with love rather than anger. As one three-year-old said after discipline, "Thank you for saying no, Daddy!"
Faith is the most precious legacy parents can pass to their children, as Rose Kennedy once stated. Children naturally hunger for spiritual connection, and parents should actively nurture this through daily Bible reading, providing spiritual resources, and praying together. Reading scripture in quiet morning moments creates special bonding opportunities. Parents should provide quality spiritual books and music, explaining unfamiliar religious terminology to children. Most importantly, parents must live their faith authentically, as teens often cite parental hypocrisy as their reason for rejecting spirituality.
第 8 章
Finding Your Spiritual Power Source
When life leaves us feeling shattered like a broken thermos-intact outside but broken within-we need a power source to sustain us through challenges. Without spiritual power, our lives remain empty shells despite external improvements.
Morgan shares her personal spiritual journey, explaining that despite believing in God from childhood, she felt disconnected, with prayers that seemed to "bounce off the ceiling." Her father's death when she was fourteen intensified this spiritual loneliness. She searched through religious institutions, consulting ministers who were either too busy or equally lost. At Ohio State, she studied philosophy but found contradictory teachings. Despite academic honors and beauty pageants, she felt empty inside-"laughing on the outside, crying on the inside." Material possessions proved equally unsatisfying; a coveted sweater she saved for left her feeling just as empty once obtained.
Her spiritual journey led her to discover that God loved her personally and had a wonderful plan for her life. Despite knowing John 3:16, she hadn't experienced its reality. The prophet Isaiah revealed that her everyday sins-worry, unbelief, gossip, pride-had separated her from God. For twenty-three years she'd lived with this devastating spiritual emptiness, only to discover that while the penalty for sin was spiritual death, God offered the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. When she invited Jesus into her heart through prayer, her lifelong search ended. She felt clean and complete, not reformed but transformed-plugged into the true power source.
Since connecting with God, Morgan experienced wonderful benefits of the abundant life He promised. First, inner peace from the Prince of Peace Himself. Second, pardon-Jesus paid the penalty for all her sins, setting her free. Third, purpose in life-Jesus is her Way, her reason for living. Finally, power-His resurrection power that transforms natural love for husband and children into a divine, super love. She encourages readers to plug into this power Source and experience peace, pardon, purpose and power by simply opening the door and inviting Him in through prayer.
第 9 章
Becoming a Total Woman
The Total Woman isn't just a course or book-it's a complete way of life and attitude about yourself, your husband, and your children. It starts with the premise that every woman can be made whole despite her complex personality and many roles.
In response to a frazzled woman struggling with too many outside commitments, Morgan explains that a Total Woman has her priorities in order. She must first fill her cup vertically with God before giving horizontally to others. Her second priority is her husband, ensuring he knows he's tops on her list. Third come her children, who need their mother at home in those early years. Only after meeting these needs should she consider profession or public activities.
As you begin implementing Total Woman principles, remember three things: Don't dwell on past mistakes you can't change; don't be discouraged when you slip into old habits (even Total Women are human); and concentrate on your own potential-your husband chose you for a reason, so develop your unique qualities. The sky is the limit in your relationship with him.
Morgan has seen remarkable transformations through the Total Woman approach. One man called a TV show lamenting that had his wife taken the course, they might still be married. Wives of Miami Dolphin football players attended one of her first classes and applied the principles-interestingly, their team went on to become the first undefeated team in professional football history. While she can't take credit for Super Bowl victories, she assures readers that once your house is in order and your power source is the Light of the world, you too can become a super wife and a Total Woman.
The principles Morgan presents-acceptance, admiration, adaptation, and appreciation-combined with practical advice on organization, communication, and sexuality, offer a comprehensive approach to marriage that has resonated with millions of women. Whether viewed as revolutionary or reactionary, "The Total Woman" presents a passionate argument for prioritizing marriage and family through deliberate choices and attitudes that put relationships at the center of a woman's life.
