第1章
The Price of Being Undervalued: A Woman's Guide to Workplace Worth
In February 2008, I found myself sitting across from Joe Scarborough at breakfast in Rockefeller Center, explaining why I needed to resign from our rising show Morning Joe. Despite my twenty years of experience, fifteen-hour workdays, and significant contributions to our program's success, MSNBC paid me a fraction of what my male colleagues earned. The financial strain had become unbearable. While Joe was undoubtedly worth more to the show, was he really worth fourteen times more than me?
Joe listened intently, knowing I wasn't being paid my worth. He had been fighting for me behind the scenes without success. Recognizing our unique on-air chemistry was essential to the show's growing popularity, he asked for a few more days to develop a plan. "No, you can't leave," he insisted.
The truth was that I had allowed this situation to develop. I had repeatedly asked for raises and been denied, but I didn't truly know my value or how to effectively negotiate for it. Every time I sat at the bargaining table, my greatest enemy was myself. My words and strategies consistently undermined my goals. This pattern had been brewing for decades-accepting less pay, working harder hoping to be noticed, discovering male colleagues made more, feeling underappreciated, then moving on to repeat the cycle elsewhere.
What began as a personal financial crisis evolved into something much larger. Through conversations with powerful women like Valerie Jarrett, Arianna Huffington, Tina Brown, and Sheryl Sandberg, I discovered my struggle wasn't unique-it was systemic. Their stories became the foundation for a book that would help women recognize, articulate, and receive their true worth in the workplace and beyond.
第2章
The Downward Spiral of Undervaluing Yourself
When I started at MSNBC in 2007, I was rebuilding my career after nearly a year of unemployment following my dismissal from CBS News. At nearly forty, I felt my career was finished after being rejected by network after network. I finally called MSNBC and begged for any on-air job, eventually landing a low-paying freelance position reading thirty-second news updates three times nightly-a significant step back from my previous high-profile work.
Though boring, the predictable schedule allowed me to pay bills and be present for my daughters between cut-ins. I knew my value was down, but I was rebuilding. Soon, I was asked to substitute host full news hours, and my responsibilities expanded throughout NBC. Colleagues who knew nothing of my history were surprised by my skills, giving me high-fives after flawless deliveries.
When Don Imus was fired in May 2007, creating a three-hour void in MSNBC's morning lineup, Joe Scarborough approached me about co-hosting. Despite hesitation about disrupting my family with another demanding schedule, I was intrigued by his vision for an unscripted, intelligent political talk show. From our first broadcast, we had immediate chemistry despite having just met. The show was unpredictable, risky, and smart-exactly the kind of breakthrough program I'd want my daughters to see me host.
After winning the Imus slot, our small team worked tirelessly to build Morning Joe. I used my reporter skills to bring in newsmakers, working my BlackBerry around the clock even while jogging. MSNBC president Phil Griffin recognized our potential and protected us from unnecessary interference.
Despite Morning Joe's growing success, my financial situation remained bleak. My new contract moved me from freelance to staff, but the pay was barely better and didn't formally assign me to the show. While Joe negotiated substantial compensation, I signed a generic contract requiring me to work any shift MSNBC assigned. I was stunned to learn even Willie Geist had negotiated a better deal than mine. I had failed to value myself properly, deflated by low self-esteem and misplaced gratitude. I was working sixteen-hour days, often appearing on air for four or five hours, while balancing family responsibilities-all for a fraction of what my male colleagues earned.
第3章
When Women Become Their Own Worst Enemies
As I began talking with successful women, I discovered my problem wasn't just personal-it was endemic. Research shows women don't ask for raises as often as men, and when they do, they ask for less. Our MSNBC survey revealed men are more likely to request raises or promotions throughout their careers, while women often describe themselves as "scared" when asking-many preferring a root canal to salary negotiations. Men, meanwhile, typically feel confident about the challenge.
Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett shared how she expected to work twice as hard as a Black woman but didn't expect that hard work wouldn't automatically lead to advancement. When a female mentor finally pushed her to ask for a promotion, she was shocked when her boss immediately agreed. "Women expect that if you do really well, someone will recognize your performance and reward you accordingly," Jarrett explained, while "men ask for it all the time."
Tina Brown described overlooking a qualified woman at The Daily Beast while hiring two men who failed at the same job, admitting she felt ashamed when the woman finally spoke up. Carol Smith, after extensive experience overseeing women's magazines, observed that women believe working harder than anyone will earn them recognition, when they actually need to explicitly ask for compensation.
Research by Linda Babcock shows women ask for raises 85% less often than men, and when they do, they ask for 30% less-partly because they perceive circumstances as fixed rather than negotiable. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg explained that men typically overestimate their performance while women underestimate theirs. Men attribute success to their skills, while women credit luck and others' help. This confidence gap affects career advancement, as "getting ahead has to do with being willing to raise your hand."
Sandberg shared how after a talk about owning success, she noticed only men kept their hands up for questions after she said she'd take two more. She herself once nearly accepted a job offer without negotiating until her brother-in-law pushed her to ask for more, which she got immediately. Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz admitted she was hired "on the cheap" at Autodesk when competing against men who asked for millions more. Like many women, she was "just happy to have the professional position" early in her career.
第4章
The Persistent Reality of Gender Wage Disparity
Despite impressive gains over the past fifty years-women now comprise over half the workforce, serve as governors, Supreme Court justices, and astronauts, and earn more college degrees than men-women still sell themselves short. On average, women make only seventy-seven cents for every dollar earned by men, with professional women earning just eighty-one cents per dollar compared to men in similar positions.
The leadership gap is equally stark. Women hold only seventeen percent of U.S. Congressional seats, placing America seventy-second among 189 countries in female legislative representation-behind France, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. Across business, law, academia, journalism, and politics, women occupy fewer than twenty percent of top positions. Only three percent of Fortune 500 companies have female CEOs, and executive suite growth has stalled in recent years despite women comprising half the workforce.
The general public mistakenly believes women have already achieved parity in leadership across economic sectors, as noted by Stanford scholar Deborah Rhode. Marie C. Wilson, founder of the White House Project, explains this misconception undermines political will for continued change. Despite Americans' comfort with women leading, female leadership remains static at just eighteen percent across ten examined sectors.
Both men and women unconsciously devalue female employees. Ilene H. Lang of Catalyst describes a revealing experiment: identical resumes with only the gender identifiers changed consistently result in hiring managers rating men as "terrific candidates" while women with identical qualifications are deemed "unqualified." This happens repeatedly, not from intentional sexism but because people simply don't see leadership potential in women, especially women of color.
Shockingly, women are just as likely as men to exhibit this bias. Even I discovered through Harvard's Project Implicit test that I subconsciously associate males with career and females with family. Brian Nosek, the project's director, explains this bias affects workplace decisions-managers might hesitate to assign travel to women but not men, and women themselves may question whether it's appropriate to ask for raises while men simply think "time for a raise, damn it!"
The wage gap begins with the very first job. Even if women receive promotions and raises at the same rate as men, they can't close the gap if they start at lower positions and salaries. Ilene Lang points to Catalyst research showing that female MBA graduates are consistently placed at lower levels than their male counterparts right out of school, creating a permanent disadvantage.
第5章
The Double Bind: When Women Try Acting Like Men
After watching Joe successfully negotiate with our boss Phil Griffin through aggressive, confrontational tactics-complete with shouting, finger-pointing and threats-I decided to try the same approach to address my salary concerns. The men's arguments would escalate dramatically with spit flying and chest-poking, yet always end amicably, often pivoting suddenly to casual sports talk.
When I attempted this strategy, mimicking Joe's aggressive style with raised voice and F-bombs, it backfired spectacularly. The interaction felt awkward and unnatural-my voice pitched higher, my body shaking. Phil and I ended up awkwardly jabbing each other near his door, and rather than getting my raise, I left him alarmed. Afterward, Phil called Joe and Chris Licht asking, "Motherf-cker, is she crazy?"
Donny Deutsch explained why this approach failed: "Because it was a side Phil wasn't used to seeing. He was threatened, and he didn't know how to handle it. If a woman punches you, you don't know what to do... you think, 'What's wrong with her?'"
Even the most successful women just want to be liked. Joy Behar, despite her unflinching bluntness with guests like John McCain, admits she's uncomfortable being demanding about money or perks. "I've always been the good girl... the good team player," she explains. Though she knows the squeaky wheel gets the grease, she confesses, "You and I, we don't like to be thought of as bitches... I'm not comfortable with being a bitch."
This desire to be liked often outweighs women's wish to be valued. When my bosses complimented me for being "a jack-of-all-trades," I felt that warm rush of being liked. But compliments don't pay bills. My need for approval was my greatest weakness in negotiating my worth.
The dilemma women face is finding the balance between assertiveness and likability. Harvard professor Hannah Riley Bowles explains that women need to be strategic rather than simply more assertive, using what she calls a "relational account"-explaining requests in terms that show concern for organizational relationships. This approach acknowledges that negotiating for higher compensation "contradicts what you're supposed to be like as a woman: giving, not taking; generous, not materialistic."
Women in power face a unique challenge: they must be both assertive and likable. Several powerful women shared strategies for navigating this balance. Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz admits she often had to use flattery just to engage with men at high-level meetings, saying "You just do what you have to, to fit in." Comedian Susie Essman suggests women use their superior people skills rather than aggression: "Play to men's narcissism in a way that is so subtle they don't know what hit them."
Women's advocate Marie Wilson notes that successful negotiation for women requires being "relentlessly pleasant"-maintaining a smile even while asking for more. As her friend Anna Quindlen puts it, women "have to be tough as nails and warm as toast." Taking either extreme separately leads to penalties-appearing too apologetic makes you "toast," while being too tough gets you "hammered."
第6章
Learning from Men Without Becoming Them
Women must develop their own approach to workplace success rather than mimicking men. Arianna Huffington puts it bluntly: "In order to conquer the workplace as women, we need to approach it in our own unique way, not as carbon copies of men: briefcase-carrying, pinstripe-wearing career machines who just happen to have vaginas." The key is learning to play the men's office "game" while adapting it to women's unique styles and strengths.
Men's innate sense of entitlement gives them a significant advantage in the workplace. Kate White, editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, shares a story about a male senior editor who, when faced with shared office space, slipped money to movers to create his own private area with a bookcase divider and couch. While female colleagues accepted the cramped conditions, "he just said to himself, 'Okay, this isn't the best situation. What do I have to do to fix it to my advantage?'"
White observes that women tend to "follow orders" and "accept the status quo" while men "make up the rules as they go along" with an air of entitlement that says "I deserve this, and I'm going to get it."
Even Harvard law professor Elizabeth Warren, appointed to oversee the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, admits struggling with this. Early in her teaching career, she accepted the "lousy course at the lousy hour on the lousy day in the lousy room" without question. Later, as associate dean assigning courses, she discovered every male faculty member refused inconvenient schedules while women could be "leveraged into teaching the lousy course." Warren reflects, "We don't see our own worth. We see how we can be helpful to the team... without stopping to ask, 'Wait a minute, this is a valuable contribution-why am I making this, and what am I getting in return for it?'"
Financial expert Suze Orman advocates that women resist the urge to "always pick up the mop"-doing work they're not compensated for. While acknowledging that in a recession, most people lack the luxury to simply say no, she offers strategic advice: "When you first start working, you do not demand anything... You make them totally dependent on you-and then you've reversed the power."
FDIC chair Sheila Bair believes women's work and opinions are systematically undervalued-a societal notion that "can seep into our own thinking." This leads women to accept less compensation, smaller offices, lesser titles, and not getting credit for their ideas. "Somehow it's a bad thing to stand up for yourself or promote yourself... to speak up and say, 'I deserve to be paid X,' and we feel embarrassed or ashamed or bashful about that, and we shouldn't."
Bair urges women to be more assertive without being obnoxious: "When there is unequal treatment, learn how to promote yourself in a way that is constructive... You say, 'This is my idea,' and don't back down."
第7章
Mastering the Art of Negotiation
Suze Orman explains that my failed raise attempts stemmed from negotiating "from a place of fear" rather than strength. She emphasizes that "fear of failure comes when you haven't properly prepared for success." Preparation and confidence are essential components of effective salary negotiation.
Preparation is key to successful negotiation. Orman advises documenting achievements and creating a one-page outline of your value to the company before meeting about compensation. Simply deserving a raise or not having received one in years isn't persuasive-concrete facts about your contributions and market rates are.
I stress the importance of knowing your market value: "You should constantly be asking people about salary." Despite companies often prohibiting salary discussions, I encourage gathering information through industry contacts, interviews at other companies, and agents.
Men are more likely than women to know peer earnings, partly because social norms make women uncomfortable discussing money. Resources like Vault.com and Salary.com can help, but direct conversations remain most valuable. As Lesley Jane Seymour warns: "You can't go in there expecting people to take care of you and that they're going to be fair. They're going to try to get the best deal they can."
Kate White of Cosmopolitan advises addressing raises before they're already budgeted: "You need to go in a month or so before you know they're going to start giving the raises" to explain how your job has expanded and why your raise should reflect that. Timing is crucial because once raises are finalized in the budget, it's too late to influence the decision.
With proper preparation-documenting achievements and knowing market value-asking for a raise becomes less emotional and more fact-based. Research reveals stark differences in how men and women approach these conversations: men describe feeling "cool," "deserving," and "confident," while women compare it to "filing taxes" or feeling "like I was going to vomit."
Arianna Huffington encourages women to be fearless: "What's the worst that can happen? We are told no, and we're no worse off than we were before." Donny Deutsch puts it simply: "You have to ask for it, and that's that."
Women often undermine themselves when requesting raises through apologetic, tentative approaches. Valerie Jarrett observes that men are "almost detached from it emotionally" while women are "much more timid and appreciative and polite," often starting with phrases like "I know you're busy, I know you don't have time..."
Tina Brown notes women's apologetic body language before they even speak, contrasting with men who directly state: "I'm not doing this anymore unless I get X." Carol Bartz cites women saying things like "I didn't really want to come to you with this..." which immediately gives the boss permission to decline.
Professor Hannah Riley Bowles' research confirms that playing the victim card is ineffective because it focuses solely on personal needs. A more effective approach connects your request to organizational interests, explaining why a raise makes sense for the company rather than just describing personal financial needs. Bowles suggests framing requests as corrections to obvious errors (like subordinates being paid more than superiors) or presenting options rather than yes/no questions.
Sometimes the ultimate negotiating power comes from willingness to leave. Suze Orman emphasizes that true negotiating power comes from financial security-an eight-month emergency fund provides the confidence to negotiate without desperation. She advises, "Know your alternatives and come from a powerful place, not an insecure place."
第8章
Strategic Alliances: The Power of Advocacy
After returning from the 2008 presidential primaries exhausted and demoralized, I realized I could no longer allow myself to be undervalued. When I told Joe Scarborough I was leaving, he asked for time to find a solution. A week later, I discovered NBC had deposited a large sum in my account-Joe had transferred his ratings bonuses to me. I was furious and humiliated, refusing this "handout" until my father pointed out it was simply a shrewd business strategy: Joe knew I was vital to the show's success. This gesture emboldened me to confront Phil Griffin again, this time speaking firmly: "You are a bad boyfriend. You take and take and take, but never give." My newfound confidence and willingness to walk away led to a new contract. Though still paid less than Joe, I had finally advocated for myself effectively.
Joe transformed from cohost to business partner, guaranteeing I would match my CBS salary through various opportunities-he understood my value better than I did. While I wish I could have achieved fair compensation without male intervention, many successful women have advanced through strategic alliances with men. Sheila Bair credits Robert Dole for supporting women with real power as advisers, noting that early in her career, "there weren't that many women to mentor you."
Harvard's Hannah Riley Bowles distinguishes between mentors (who advise) and sponsors (who actively advocate using their social capital). Research shows women are often "overmentored and undersponsored" compared to male peers. Marie Wilson highlights how women lack access to the informal networks where advancement decisions happen, while comedian Susie Essman's career breakthrough came when Larry David recognized her talent after male Friars Club members advocated for her inclusion in a roast. Research confirms that knowing just one person in an organization can increase negotiated salary by 4.7 percent.
Many interviewees report that rather than receiving support from other women, they experienced active undermining from female colleagues. Women managers may be particularly effective at exploiting the weaknesses that hold other women back precisely because they understand them so well. This raises the question of whether women are harder on other women than they are on men-over half of survey respondents of both genders believe this is true.
The only time I was reduced to tears at MSNBC over my pay dispute was during a meeting with a female middle manager. Despite knowing Joe's salary was fourteen times mine, she insisted I abandon my request for a raise, warning me I would "get a bad reputation" and "people won't like you." For thirty minutes, she argued I should focus less on earning my value and more on winning "MSNBC's Miss Congeniality prize." Her strategy worked-I actually worried about coworkers disliking me if I pressed for deserved compensation.
Looking back, I'm ashamed I fell for this manipulation. The Paris Hilton incident, the red hair clip reprimand, this dressing down-my most painful career confrontations have been with women. Arianna Huffington emphasizes the importance of women building "fearlessness tribes" and mentoring younger women, while Brooksley Born advocates women working together to change workplace policies.
第9章
Motherhood: The Ultimate Career Complication
While covering the 2008 primaries, I never mentioned my daughters, believing it would make me appear less committed. Research confirms working mothers face the widest wage gap-women's earnings decrease with each child. Studies show mothers are perceived as less competent and committed, typically earning just 79 cents for every dollar paid to father-managers.
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg observes women fall behind men specifically during childbearing years, as they "lean backward" in anticipation of family responsibilities-stopping pursuit of promotions and opportunities even before having children. Sandberg advises: "Keep your foot on the gas. Don't slow down in advance of the child."
Many working mothers actually overcompensate at work to prove their value, yet demand less compensation because they feel guilty or "lucky" to have both children and careers. Carol Smith candidly admits she loves hiring women for four-day weeks because "they actually will produce at least five days' worth of work for four days' worth of pay." Women sacrifice salary, accepting 60% pay for 80% time, grateful for any accommodation.
Our survey found most respondents believe parenting skills should be valued in the workplace, with nearly half feeling parents should receive higher salaries or promotions for these skills. Many successful women, including Brooksley Born, Valerie Jarrett and Tina Brown, believe motherhood made them more efficient, disciplined and productive. However, most women still feel they can't discuss family needs without immediately losing professional value, often rushing back to work too soon after childbirth or hiding pregnancies from bosses.
Finding the right partner is crucial for women's career success. As Sheryl Sandberg emphasizes, "Marry the right guy"-noting that women in dual-career households still do twice the housework and 3.5 times the childcare compared to men. This imbalance often forces women to drop out of careers while men continue advancing. Marie Wilson points out that society still views women primarily as wives and mothers despite their executive roles, creating constant guilt: "Show me a woman without guilt, and I'll show you a man." Women need partners who truly share responsibilities.
第10章
Claiming Your Worth: The Path Forward
After two decades of learning what not to do when negotiating, I've gained valuable insights from my own experiences and those of the remarkable women in this book. I'm confident I won't let myself down again and optimistic about the future for women who can overcome their fears when negotiating.
This book can't be wrapped up tidily with a pretty bow. I don't pretend to have all the answers or to have figured out how to have it all. I've struggled in both public and private life to hit all the right notes, taking full responsibility for my failings and successes. Regarding earning what I'm worth, I'm getting there. But I know this: if I'd written this book ten years ago and taken the advice of its interviewees to heart, I'd be a multimillionaire today.
Knowing the fair-market value of our contributions is critically important for today's and tomorrow's professional women. Our families' futures depend on our knowing what we should be paid, and getting it. If we can't quantify and communicate our value with confidence, the achievements of the tremendous women before us will have been for nothing. Knowing our value and communicating it effectively is the next chapter in the story that began with the women's rights movement. Let's write it together, and let's get it done.
