
Portia de Rossi's raw memoir exposes her battle with anorexia and sexuality struggles that resonated with Ellen DeGeneres and countless others. How did weighing just 82 pounds while filming Ally McBeal reveal Hollywood's darkest secrets about body image and identity?
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At 4:15 a.m., the alarm sounds. Before opening her eyes, a young actress performs her morning ritual-grabbing at her breasts, ribs, stomach, hip bones with rough, punishing hands. "What did you eat last night?" a voice inside her head demands. She's gained weight, she's certain of it. The punishment? One hundred fifty calories for the entire day and twenty laxatives to erase last night's yogurt. "You're nothing. You're average," she whispers through tears. This was Portia de Rossi's reality during her years on *Ally McBeal*, when the world saw a rising star and she saw only failure staring back from every reflective surface. Her memoir pulls back the curtain on a brutal truth: sometimes the price of appearing perfect is losing yourself entirely. This fear of being average had haunted her since childhood. At twelve, transferring to Geelong Grammar School, she discovered her family wasn't wealthy like classmates who arrived in helicopters. "We're not poor, stupid. We're average," her brother explained. That word-average-became the most disgusting in her vocabulary. Average people don't cure cancer or win Oscars. At twelve, she'd renamed herself from Amanda Rogers to Portia de Rossi because ordinary girls don't become stars. And Portia de Rossi, whoever she was becoming, would not be average.
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