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The Power of Influence: Transforming Communication from Mundane to Magnetic
In a crowded conference room after lunch-that dreaded time slot every speaker fears-an older gentleman sits with arms crossed, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. Soon, another person's eyes begin to droop. Then the phones come out. The audience is lost. This scene, described by the Deckers, illustrates the epidemic of poor communication plaguing businesses today. For 36 years, Decker Communications has coached some of the world's top leaders, and their message is clear: becoming a great communicator requires just two things-a smart game plan and consistent practice. What makes this book particularly powerful is that it comes from communication experts who have transformed countless executives from data-dumping bores into inspiring leaders. The Deckers' approach has been embraced by companies like Apple, Cisco, and Charles Schwab, making this book essential reading for anyone who wants to move beyond merely informing to genuinely influencing others.
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The Communication Crisis: Why Business Communication Fails
When Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer spoke at the 2014 Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity, she squandered a golden opportunity. Despite her position of power, she delivered a stiff, scripted sales pitch instead of creating an inspiring experience. She failed to connect emotionally with her audience and made her presentation about herself rather than them.
This isn't just about high-profile executives at major events. We make the same mistakes daily-in morning huddles, quarterly reviews, sales calls, and client pitches. We dump information without considering the experience we're creating. We avoid emotional connection because it feels difficult or intimidating. We present logical arguments and expect audiences to automatically follow along.
The problem begins with the five little white lies we tell ourselves about our communication skills. First, we believe that "if I say the words, people will get it." The truth is, communication isn't just about words-it's about creating an experience. Most of us spend 99.9% of our preparation time on content while neglecting delivery, resulting in disconnected presentations that allow listeners to tune out. Just like film director Michael Bay's teleprompter meltdown at the Consumer Electronics Show, relying too heavily on scripts sacrifices connection for content.
Second, we think "when I'm 'on,' I'm great." Many people falsely separate "public speaking" from conversation, treating it as a performance rather than authentic communication. Presidential elections demonstrate this principle-candidates who appear contrived (Gore, Kerry, Romney) consistently lose to those who seem authentic. When leaders assume an "executive posture" for presentations, they lose their connection with audiences.
Third, we convince ourselves "I don't need to prep. I can wing it." With packed calendars, we often skip preparation, especially for internal meetings. As Thomas Stewart noted in Harvard Business Review, "Everything a leader does is symbolic. Everything is amplified." Without proper preparation, even for seemingly small interactions, we miss countless opportunities to influence rather than merely inform.
Fourth, we believe "people tell me I'm pretty good at speaking." Like the emperor with no clothes, leaders often receive sugarcoated feedback. Video feedback can reveal shocking disparities between how we think we communicate and how we actually come across. One CEO experienced this revelation when seeing himself on video for the first time-his flat expression and monotone voice projected overconfidence that came across as aloof.
Finally, we tell ourselves "that's not the way we do things here." Poor communication often trickles down through organizations when mid-level managers mimic senior executives' bad habits. Breaking this pattern requires permission to change and willingness to take risks. As Doug Stevenson says, "Safe is a dangerous place to be."
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The Attention Deficit: Why Your Message Isn't Getting Through
What if almost half of everything you say isn't getting through? In today's cacophonous, cluttered communications world, we must earn the right to be heard. Three societal trends are forcing communicators to change: a shifting landscape of trust, an attention economy where we're using foreign currency, and a backlash against information overload that leaves us thirsting for inspiration.
The Edelman Trust Barometer shows public confidence in leaders has remained critically low since the 2008 financial crisis. People now trust institutions far more than their leaders-by 32 points for business and 28 points for government. This trust gap means leaders can no longer rely on position alone; they must earn what Edelman calls "the License to Lead" through communication. Julie Moreland contrasts old "cigar-chomping" bosses with today's leaders who must inspire and influence. Even those without formal authority must lead through influence in today's matrix organizations.
Imagine addressing a room full of Jeff Bezoses-the Amazon CEO who walks out when his attention is overtaxed. Today's audiences, addicted to smartphones and constant digital stimulation, have dramatically changed how they listen. Multitasking is a myth; studies show interrupted people take 50% longer to complete tasks with 50% more errors. In our information-flooded world, human attention has become the scarcest resource. Device dependency is epidemic-84% can't go a day without phones, 20% check every ten minutes, and many check devices in bed or even on the toilet. Communicators must become more fascinating than these digital distractions.
In our distraction-filled world, what truly captures attention is inspiration. Millennials-soon to be 75% of the global workforce by 2025-overwhelmingly want meaningful work that makes a difference, with 85% seeking purpose and 71% wanting employers committed to social responsibility. Daniel Pink's book Drive identifies purpose as a critical motivator alongside autonomy and mastery, explaining that "those who [work] in service of some greater objective can achieve even more." The TED phenomenon, with its billion-plus views and "Ideas Worth Spreading," has tapped into this thirst for inspiration. Its speaker commandments-emphasizing vulnerability, passion, and authenticity over ego-create what novelist Amy Tan calls a "near-death experience" that pushes communicators beyond comfort zones into genuine connection.
The communication landscape has fundamentally changed, creating extreme expectations for how we engage audiences. Your previous communication skills may have served you well until now, but they won't take you where you need to go in this new era of attention scarcity.
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The Communicator's Roadmap: Creating Experiences That Matter
Communication isn't just about words-it's about creating an experience that touches emotions and builds trust. Just as restaurateur Danny Meyer believes restaurants are primarily about the experience rather than just the food, effective communicators understand they're always creating an experience for their audience, whether intentionally or not.
To create an ideal communication experience, we need the Communicator's Roadmap. Unlike using GPS where you simply input your starting point and destination, communicators often don't know their true starting point (due to self-deception) and aren't intentional about their destination. We must treat every communication situation like navigating to a new location, carefully considering our audience's reactions.
The vertical axis measures our emotional connection with the audience-determining whether people like us, trust us, and want to follow us. Low emotional connection creates disinterest and disengagement, while high connection makes us likable, engaging, and trusted. We create this connection through our behavior (showing warmth, care, and interest) and by adding emotion to our content through stories, analogies, and humor.
The horizontal axis represents our content-whether we're distributing information or driving action. The left side represents self-centered content ("I, I, I"), while the right side is audience-centered, focused on serving the wants, needs, and priorities of listeners. A typical product manager talks about features and data points; a great product manager explains what the product means for users and how it benefits them.
The Roadmap creates four distinct communication experiences. In the lower left quadrant (Inform), communicators combine low emotional connection with self-centered content-the default mode for corporate meetings. Think of Ben Stein's droning economics teacher in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" with his monotone "Bueller?... Bueller?"
The upper left quadrant (Entertain) features communicators with high emotional connection but self-centered content. These entertainers touch our emotions and make us laugh, but their content typically focuses on themselves rather than audience needs. Examples include ESPN commentators and late-night hosts-people we love to watch but who aren't necessarily trying to move us to action.
In the lower right quadrant (Direct), communicators have low emotional connection but audience-centered content. These authority-driven leaders don't prioritize trust or connection-they use their "License to Operate" approach. Examples include Vogue editor Anna Wintour and Jack Welch-task-driven leaders who get things done, regardless of emotional engagement.
The upper right quadrant (Inspire) represents the ideal destination-combining audience-centered content with high emotional connection. This is where we motivate, shift culture, change minds, and win supporters. Role models in this quadrant include JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., and Sheryl Sandberg-communicators who create transformative experiences that inspire action.
The quadrants represent experiences you create, not permanent communicator types. Each communication situation needs an intentional destination. Even for seemingly informational exchanges, find ways to make content more relevant and create emotional connections. The goal is shifting behaviors and messaging higher up and to the right, becoming more memorable and persuasive.
Kapitel 5
Building Trust Through Behavior: The Visual Power of Communication
Communication effectiveness depends not just on what we say but how we say it. As Ralph Waldo Emerson noted, "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." Food Network executive Bob Tuschman demonstrates this principle when selecting talent, looking beyond cooking skills for authenticity, warmth and connection-someone viewers will invite into their homes.
After 36 years of coaching, the Deckers have identified five key behaviors that generate trust and emotional connection. Research shows that while most leaders emphasize demonstrating competence, Harvard professor Amy Cuddy's research reveals that warmth must come first: "Warmth is the conduit of influence: It facilitates trust and the communication and absorption of ideas."
Mehrabian's research reveals how communication elements break down: when inconsistency exists between verbal, vocal, and visual components, people overwhelmingly trust behavior over words. People form instantaneous judgments through "thin-slicing"-making quick assessments based on limited information. Even expert witnesses in court cases find that jurors base trust decisions on body language and delivery rather than facts alone. If your three communication channels (verbal, vocal, visual) aren't aligned, your message won't get through.
Eye communication is the foundation of trust-building behavior. When eye contact fails-whether at a cocktail party where someone keeps looking over your shoulder, in your manager's office while they type, or at home when your partner checks their phone-the connection breaks completely. In one-on-one conversations, maintain eye contact for 7-10 seconds before breaking away briefly. In group settings, use the five-second rule: look at each individual for about five seconds, treating the group as a collection of individuals.
When we try to be "on" by adopting an even-keeled "executive presence," we often sacrifice the natural warmth and energy that makes us engaging. To increase warmth, incorporate energy through posture, movement, gestures, facial expressions, and vocal variety-bringing the passion that balances our polish.
Standing rather than sitting dramatically increases your energy and influence. Ray Rothrock of Venrock observed that entrepreneurs who stood during pitches typically received more funding. The "ready position" from athletics provides the ideal stance: stand straight with shoulder blades down, weight balanced on the balls of your feet.
Effective gestures inject energy and ownership into your communication. Most people gesture within a small, safe box with elbows glued to their sides. Instead, "go big and go home"-make expansive gestures with elbows away from your body, then balance by resting hands comfortably at your sides. Equally important is facial expression-a serious face might communicate the opposite of your message. One executive's "good news" announcement was interpreted as "everybody's getting fired" when viewed on mute. Smiling not only adds warmth but surprisingly increases perceived competence.
Your voice profoundly shapes how people experience you. Research shows people with rough or weak voices are perceived as negative or passive, while those with strong, normal voices seem successful and smart. The key is bringing your "backyard barbecue self"-your most natural, engaging version-into professional settings. Effective vocal variety requires managing pitch (avoiding uptalking and monotone), pace (varying between quick and measured delivery), and volume (projecting appropriately while creating dynamic range).
The pause is one of your most powerful communication tools, yet most speakers avoid it. Caroline Kennedy's 2008 Senate candidacy collapsed partly because she used "you know" 142 times in a New York Times interview. Strategic pausing allows you to think, breathe, dramatize key points, and eliminate fillers. Though a two-second pause may feel eternal to you, listeners barely notice it.
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Creating Emotional Connection: The Power of SHARPs
You can rise on the Emotional Connection axis through both behaviors and content. While behavioral skills establish trust, emotionally resonant content creates deeper connections. Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor exemplifies this in her wildly popular TED Talk about experiencing her own stroke. Rather than delivering a clinical lecture, she opens with personal vulnerability about her brother's schizophrenia, then shares her harrowing yet fascinating experience of observing her stroke as a brain scientist.
People crave emotional experiences. Logic makes us think, but well-told stories make us feel-and emotions prompt action. To reach the emotional core of your listeners, you must access their memories using strategic emotion-triggering elements called SHARPs: Stories, Humor, Analogies, References and quotes, and Pictures and visuals.
Stories give you the greatest emotional impact. NBA executive Pat Williams notes, "If I ever feel the need to wake up an audience, I know exactly what to say: 'Let me tell you a story.' Instantly, everyone snaps to attention." Stories stir feelings-suspense, sorrow, compassion, joy-and create visual images in listeners' minds like mental movies.
When telling stories, begin with the end in mind. When you have the end in mind, you can find dozens of stories that support your point. John Thiel, head of U.S. Wealth Management at Merrill Lynch, initially claimed he had no stories for his commencement speech, but once he clarified his key message, he discovered numerous relevant experiences to share.
Make the audience work for its meal. We're wired to bridge gaps between what we know and don't know. Good storytelling creates a curiosity gap-the well-organized absence of information that draws listeners in. Create drama through anticipation mixed with uncertainty, as when a sales VP began his presentation by describing organizational problems before stating, "But this all changed in less than 18 months," making the audience eager to hear more.
Humor keeps listeners engaged and proves emotional connection. The key is to take your topic seriously but yourself lightly. Self-deprecating humor almost always works because it makes you appear humble and likable, unlike humor at others' expense. CMO Katy Keim brilliantly used self-deprecation by confessing she lied about her height on her driver's license, connecting this "little lie" to the topic of honesty in social media marketing.
Analogies reveal surprising commonalities between dissimilar objects, using familiar examples to explain complex concepts. Cognitive researcher Douglas Hofstadter calls analogy "the core of cognition"-our ability to recognize familiar patterns in unfamiliar concepts. A Silicon Valley engineer brilliantly opened his technical standards presentation with the 1904 Baltimore Fire analogy-where firefighters from neighboring cities couldn't connect their hoses to Baltimore hydrants because they didn't fit, resulting in devastating damage.
References and quotes help frame your message while bringing your topic to life, while pictures and visuals magnify your message's emotional impact. When creating visual aids, follow the Three Bs: make them Big so they're visible from a distance, Bold so they're graspable at a glance, and Basic so they don't distract.
Business leaders often resist SHARPs, believing they must be perfect storytellers or viewing SHARPs as mere fluff. But SHARPs aren't entertainment-they're powerful tools that make people listen, creating emotional connections that persuade. Vulnerability is particularly powerful for leaders. When leaders share personal stories revealing fears, weaknesses or failures, they create powerful emotional bonds with listeners.
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The Decker Grid: Moving from Information to Influence
Old habits die hard, especially when preparing content. Even the authors fell into the trap of using last year's PowerPoint deck as a template for their annual board meeting, despite knowing better. This common trap leads to data dumps and wasted time. The solution? Moving from information to influence by shifting from Self-Centered to Audience-Centered content using the Decker Grid.
The Decker Grid is a proven four-step process: 1) Cornerstones-focus your message, 2) Create-brainstorm supporting ideas, 3) Cluster-organize your thoughts, and 4) Compose-edit your final message. The process begins with analog planning (pen and paper, specifically sticky notes) rather than digital tools, allowing for flexibility in organizing ideas before touching PowerPoint.
Cornerstones serve as the foundation stones for your message, framing everything you'll say from major presentations to one-on-ones. The four cornerstone elements are: Listeners (make it about them), Point of View (find the lead of your story), Action Steps (make it concrete), and Benefits (make them care).
While "targeting your message to your audience" seems obvious, it rarely happens in practice. After analyzing your listeners through key questions about who they are, what they expect, and what would make them resistant, identify three adjectives that describe your audience. These three words form your Audience Profile, which keeps you focused on them throughout your message planning.
The most challenging part of communication is choosing just one thing to say-finding the lead of your story. Your Point of View is your big idea, the one takeaway you want everyone to remember. A strong Point of View starts where your listeners are and gives them reason to come along. It should never include your company or product name (that's self-centered), should not be merely informational, and should not be about you. Instead, it should focus on a common goal that resonates with listeners.
After developing a persuasive Point of View, you must convert persuasion into action through clear direction. Your message needs both General Action Steps (providing broad direction like "explore further") and Specific Action Steps (timed, physical, and measurable with clear deadlines). As demonstrated in a school auction that raised $30,000 for iPads, concrete specificity drives action-parents could visualize their own children benefiting from the technology.
While Action Steps appeal to logic with clear instructions, Benefits make your listeners emotionally invested. You must give them compelling reasons to take action by showing what's in it for them personally. Generic corporate benefits like "increased ROI" or "greater customer satisfaction" fail to motivate individuals. Instead, drive benefits down to the personal level to shift from logic to emotion and move up the Communicator's Roadmap.
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Creating Structure Without Scripts: The Path to Natural Delivery
When preparing to speak, you need a structure rather than a rigid script. As demonstrated by "Elaine," a software company executive, using someone else's words creates discomfort and diminishes authenticity. Speaking from the heart with a clear structure allows for genuine connection while maintaining focus and organization.
Effective brainstorming follows two simple rules: don't edit and set time constraints. When developing content to support your Cornerstones, resist the urge to censor ideas prematurely. The goal is quantity, not immediate quality. Set a specific timeframe (3-15 minutes) to create productive pressure.
After brainstorming, organize your ideas by clustering similar concepts together. Group related ideas into distinct clusters-perhaps financial impacts in one group, solution details in another. Once clustered, identify the main idea of each group and underline it as your Key Point, with the remaining ideas becoming supporting Subpoints.
The Compose step follows the "tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em what you told 'em" principle. Focus on the Rule of Three-things are best remembered in threes, as it's the smallest number needed to create a pattern. From "stop, drop, and roll" to the three-act structure in storytelling, triads are everywhere because they leverage brevity and pattern recognition.
Avoid the LBOW (lovely bunch of words) opening that wastes precious attention. Instead, craft an opening that provides clear direction and prepares listeners' minds for action. Simply move your Point of View, General Action Step, and Benefit from your Cornerstones to the opening line of the Grid.
In our attention economy, where adults have just eight-second attention spans, your closing must be memorable. Restate your Point of View, share your Specific Action Step and Benefit from the Cornerstones. Attention is highest at the beginning and end of your message, so leverage these moments with SHARPs.
The Decker Grid serves as a reference tool during delivery, not a script to memorize. By using trigger words instead of precise transitions, speakers can remain conversational, authentic and connected rather than stiff and robotic. The Grid can be placed on a lectern or table for quick reference, allowing speakers to stay on track without reading.
The Decker Grid's flexibility makes it applicable to any communication scenario, from leading organizations to planning client meetings. For sales pitches, the Grid helps focus on audience benefits rather than product features, creating urgency and fostering dialogue; for performance reviews, it transforms monologues into conversations by incorporating specific discussion points tailored to the individual employee's needs, goals and attributes.
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Navigating to Your Ideal Communication Experience
Now that you understand how to move across both the vertical axis of connection and the horizontal axis of content, it's time to bring everything together to create your ideal communications experience. Most people default to the Inform quadrant, simply dumping information or providing updates, but with the right tools-the Behaviors of Trust, SHARPs, Cornerstones, and the Decker Grid-you can elevate any communication situation.
Panel discussions offer opportunities to move from merely informing to entertaining your audience. Bono demonstrated this during a Clinton Global Initiative panel when, rather than awkwardly waiting for the late moderator Bill Clinton, he performed an impromptu Clinton impression that warmed up the audience. While most wouldn't take such a high-risk approach, the lesson is clear: panels benefit from increased emotional connection.
Annual kickoff meetings often follow the same predictable format with mandatory attendance and forgettable presentations. To transform these events, speakers must aim to inspire rather than merely inform. The example of "Mike," a product manager with strong organizational skills but connection challenges (crossed arms, speaking too fast, looking down between thoughts), illustrates this need. Despite his ability to drive action, Mike needed to shift from focusing on software features to sharing how his product could impact something bigger, moving from "you have to sell" to "you want to sell" to truly inspire his sales team.
To stand out among multiple speakers, use all behavioral tools around energy-posture, movement, gestures, facial expressions, and vocal variety. Make genuine eye contact by holding your gaze for five full seconds across all parts of the room, even with large audiences of 200+ people. For your message, shift from self-centered to audience-centered content using specific Cornerstones (Point of View, Action Steps and Benefits).
Town halls typically feature executives delivering metrics and updates across multiple locations, but this approach misses the opportunity to increase engagement and inspiration. Dennis Woodside, then-CEO of Motorola Mobility, exemplified how to shift from Direct to Inspire during a critical product launch period. Rather than barking orders at his tired team, he referenced the Chicago Blackhawks' recent Stanley Cup victory after being down in the series. By comparing their product rollout crunch time to the Stanley Cup finals, Dennis showed a lighter side, smiled more than usual, and inspired hope through his analogy.
Sometimes in crisis situations, it's necessary to navigate to Direct rather than Inspire. This approach works best in emergency situations like building disasters or website outages when immediate action is required. Shankar, a PhD overseeing quality and safety for a hospital chain, shifted his data-heavy board committee presentations from merely informative to directive by focusing on patients rather than numbers.
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Becoming a 10X Communicator: The Path to Transformation
There will always be new destinations to map, new experiences to create, and new audiences to move. The goal is transforming audience response from reluctant compliance ("I'll do it because I have to") to enthusiastic engagement ("I'm in! Because I want to"). This requires recognizing opportunity, putting in serious work with commitment and courage, and answering the call to communicate powerfully.
JFK's 1961 moon mission speech exemplifies recognizing and seizing a communication opportunity. His Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) to land on the moon within a decade seemed nearly impossible with only 50-50 odds at best. Kennedy understood he couldn't simply Direct using presidential authority-he needed to create an Inspire experience, customizing his message for different audiences. His 1962 Rice University speech brilliantly connected with students by moving to audience-centered content: "Why does Rice play Texas?" This last-minute addition electrified the crowd and helped frame the moonshot as essential for U.S. security while justifying NASA's $5.4 billion budget.
Contrary to popular belief, JFK wasn't always the charismatic speaker we remember. As a young man, he appeared awkward and self-conscious on camera. Fascinated by the magnetism of Hollywood stars, Kennedy deliberately studied and developed the charisma that became his trademark. This reveals a crucial truth: great communication isn't innate-it's learned.
There's no such thing as a "natural-born communicator"-which is actually good news. According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, your mindset determines your communication potential. A fixed mindset believes abilities are set in stone, while a growth mindset embraces learning and improvement. This mirrors Jim Collins' findings in "Good to Great" about Level 5 leaders who blend humility with professional will.
The goal isn't creating uniform communicators who all gesture and speak identically-that's not influence, that's conformity. True influence comes from letting your authentic self shine through. Many presenters mistakenly believe professionalism requires suppressing personality. Instead, channel the natural you that emerges at backyard barbecues. Chip Conley defines authenticity as self-awareness multiplied by courage-knowing yourself and being brave enough to share it.
Professional athletes constantly improve through feedback-something we should all emulate. Implement three types of feedback: People feedback (using the 3x3 Rule to identify three strengths and three improvements from five people after each presentation), video recordings of every presentation, and audio recordings of your speaking opportunities.
People who balance humility with confidence create magnetic presence that inspires others to action. Think of Nelson Mandela's warm smile combined with unwavering strength-never arrogant yet deeply confident. This "humble confidence" represents the sweet spot between being a pushover (too much warmth) and appearing dismissive (too much competence).
There's no such thing as "private speaking"-we communicate constantly, creating experiences for listeners in every interaction. The goal isn't perfection but continuous improvement. Dr. Thomas Gordon identified four stages of competence that apply to communication: unconscious incompetence (not knowing what we don't know), conscious incompetence (recognizing our limitations), conscious competence (deliberately practicing effective behaviors), and unconscious competence (performing effectively without conscious thought).
Kennedy emphasized that moon-shot thinking must be paired with 10X communication to truly make an impact. Without exceptional communicators, revolutionary ideas cannot survive or thrive. Communication is the power to shift thinking and generate massive action. The Communicator's Roadmap shows the way: plot your destination, increase Emotional Connection, and create Audience-Centered content. Let go of security blankets like scripts and teleprompters. Connect through Behaviors of Trust and use the Decker Grid to go unscripted.
While these skills help achieve personal and professional goals, Kennedy challenges readers to aim higher-raising millions for charity, raising awareness for neglected children, fighting poverty, or inspiring community involvement. People are thirsting for inspiration. As JFK said, we do these things "not because they are easy, but because they are hard." The journey to becoming a 10X communicator never ends-always seek opportunities to communicate to influence, seeing every interaction through a new lens where merely Informing, Entertaining, or Directing is insufficient. The ultimate goal is to Inspire.
